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I have spoken very openly about my personal life, including my mental health, in this area. That is partly because I view Daily Kos as my extended family, and partly because I believe this topic should be destigmatized, so I always try to be open and honest about it.
In this diary, I talked at length about some of the personal progress I’ve made over the past year or so. I mentioned that most of my progress came from taking antidepressants. Unfortunately, as many know, I am sure – untied presses are often accompanied by side effects. I have experienced my share of them and under my doctor’s guidance, lowered my dosage. It worked! The side effects subsided, but I still felt great. So I thought I figured it out.
After a few months, I realized that cutting the dosage did more than eliminate my side effects. It happened very slowly – so slowly that I didn’t notice it at first. But gradually, I’ve started reverting to many of my old thought patterns, anxiety spirals, and bad coping habits. The looming election undoubtedly has something to do with it (I’m sure many of you can relate). It started with the first discussion between Trump. It gave me a literal panic attack (and I was literally begging to be taken to the hospital). Then Hurricane Beryl hit. This was a real trauma for us, as it is for many Houstonians. This is when I really started to unravel. But I know that doesn’t fully explain what’s happening to me. I know that what I really need to do is address the medication part, which I’ve honestly been putting off.
I don’t want anyone to worry about me because I want to emphasize that I’m fine now. But I know myself. I know I’m circling to the top of the drain. If you don’t intervene, you’ll go down that drain in no time.
And I’ve been here before, so I know what I need to do. The difference is that now I know the way. I need to focus on myself and my health. It starts with understanding the medicinal side of things. That could very well take weeks, during which time I’ll be struggling (which is why I’ve been putting it off). In the meantime, I need to step away from responsibilities that are not entirely necessary. We are well on our way to paying the bills. I have to be honest with myself and admit that I can’t handle it anymore. This series isn’t the only thing I need to leave, but unfortunately it’s one of them.
So here is my plan: We are getting close to the end of the year. Get my shit together, the rest of 2024 will be away, with the goal of reviving the series in January 2025. Like I said, I know what I need to do, so I’m optimistic that I’ll be in a much better place by then. And the January 2025 diary will hopefully come shortly after we inaugurate Kamala Harris as the 47th president of the United States. I think we’d all be in a better place if that were the case.
See you in January. Take care of yourself and win this thing!
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