Picture the scene: You’re heading out to your local Krispy Kreme to celebrate the latest launch of a world-famous, trending beauty brand. Naturally, you decide to get all dressed up: a strapless red Ermanno Scervino minidress, open-toed stiletto heels, and custom strawberry-colored Alessandra Ricci earrings. Your husband of five years has other ideas, and follows you into the donut shop in a gray tracksuit, a baby pink Nahmias baseball cap (with the hood pulled over it for some reason), yellow Crocs, and socks.
Sound relatable? Well, maybe not. But this is the much-memed and much-analyzed moment when Hailey and Justin Bieber performed in completely different outfits at a Lorde event in New York City last month. This isn’t the first time the Biebers have appeared to dress appropriately for completely different occasions. Just look at Justin’s pink beanie and sunglasses and Hailey’s strapless ivory Saint Laurent gown at the 2022 Grammy Awards, or Hailey’s sculptural vintage Mugler and Justin’s hoodie for a recent date night in London.
Still, there was something undeniably off about how different their styles looked in that moment. In addition to sparking an explosion of memes and online discussion (one tweet read, “their stylists don’t even know each other’s phone numbers,” while a viral meme labeled Hailey as “me in the office” and Justin as “me on Zoom”), the mismatched looks got us thinking about couple style and what it means not just for A-listers but for the rest of us.
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For some, matching styles are a sign of harmony in a relationship, an outward sign that a couple is “compatible” (pun intended). There’s something irresistibly cute about matching fashion choices, from complementary color schemes to shared pieces (see former couple Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson in matching blazers). And sometimes, looks end up forever in the internet’s style archives, like Britney Spears and Justin Bieber wearing matching double denim at the 2001 American Music Awards.
Away from the red carpet and in the real world, some couples enjoy expressing their bond through their clothes. Take Rosie, a 29-year-old stylist, and her husband Joe, 30, who works in fashion photography. “Even before we met, we definitely had a lot in common, like wearing a lot of black and exuding a bit of a punk-skater vibe,” she says. “We wear matching outfits, even matching Vivienne Westwood tartan suits, but we also like to coordinate in a way that pays a little homage to each other’s look without being totally twin-like. We know we’re compatible or have good chemistry by mimicking each other’s body language. It’s the same with clothing, it’s a public declaration of loyalty to each other, and importantly, it’s always something we both actively want to wear.”
Joe agrees: “Couple match-ups that really work are hard to come by. Wearing the same clothes alone doesn’t make it look good. We incorporate our own personal style in addition to matching elements. Our clothes look great on their own, but together they take it to another level.”
As psychotherapist Ella McChrystal told Cosmopolitan UK, this subtle synchronization signals empathy and understanding, and reflects a healthy relationship: “This phenomenon can be seen as a non-verbal expression of affection, a way of saying, ‘I care about your tastes and choices.’ Just as imitation is a form of flattery, copying each other’s style can communicate a deep appreciation for one another.” Outside of romantic relationships, this also applies to friends, family (just look at the Olsen twins, who share a simple aesthetic and started luxury fashion label The Row), and even colleagues: Similar choices can indicate a cohesive team that puts in the same effort.
But sometimes differences are key, and maintaining individuality is essential to a healthy relationship. Looking and feeling like one another can be a good thing, but changing or morphing into a different personal style, which is so deeply tied to your identity and how you present yourself to the world, can only do harm.
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“My ex-boyfriend was the same size and shape as me, so we always shared clothes. It was fun and saved money, but I often felt like we had the same style and lacked originality,” says Ollie, a medical trainee, 27. “My new boyfriend and I dress very differently. It’s not a conscious choice, we just have very different styles that suit our body types and skin tones. I definitely prefer my own unique style, but you’ll always find me stealing a few bottles of Le Labo spray or a cute accessory – don’t tell Nathan!”
Of course, it’s natural to change your style, but only if it’s authentic. In contrast, look at Kim Kardashian’s transformation when she was with Kanye, or Kylie Jenner’s transformation from an overtly sexy look when she was dating Travis Scott to a more relaxed, romantic aesthetic during her so-called “Timothy era.” While change may come naturally, as MatchDating expert Haley Quinn points out, disagreements can be important and even beneficial. “Just as important as having common ground is being comfortable with disagreements, being willing to do some activities on your own, and being comfortable continuing to wear clothes your partner doesn’t like,” she says. “If communication is done respectfully, small differences can actually help maintain desire in a long-term relationship.”
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For some couples, that’s not much of a problem. “I don’t think you should worry if your style doesn’t match your partner’s,” says sexologist Madalene Munro. “For couples in stable relationships where there’s emotional intimacy, I’ve never seen similar styles cause a breakup.”
Katie, a 32-year-old marketing manager, and her long-time partner are a case in point, even though their fashion styles have diverged since they left London. “When we lived in the city, I thought we had a similar style,” she says. “Since moving to the countryside, I’ve stuck to my old style (chic basics and understated prints, lots of Cézanne and Reformation), but my partner has fully embraced the country aesthetic (Patagonia and Birkenstocks) and I can’t remember what he looks like in a shirt and jacket.”
But it hasn’t hurt their relationship, she explains: “We agree on most other things, or at least our approaches to them are similar, so it doesn’t seem to be an issue. Opposites are supposed to attract, aren’t they?”
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Contrary to appearances, a couple’s mismatched styles don’t seem like much of a red flag, unless it’s an outward symbol of a deeper disagreement or conflict. The best sign that a relationship is harmonious is when both people feel comfortable enough to wear whatever clothes they like, whether it matches or not.
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