One of my earliest memories of my gender is an experience in nursery school. There, all the girls were given pink blankets and all the boys were given blue blankets during nap time. As a kid in the early ’90s, I knew nothing about LGBTQ identity, but when I was handed a pink blanket, I knew it wasn’t right. Even then, I knew I belonged to the “blue side,” and asking for a blue blanket was the only way I knew how to convey that to the adults around me. did.
The search for a way to express my true self was, after all, a lifelong one. After doing some research, it turns out that, contrary to expectations, he will be introduced to the Pope this week.
On October 23, I met with Pope Francis after a general audience as part of a group of transgender Catholic men brought together through Outreach. Father Andrea Conocchia, who ministers to transgender people in her local Italian parish outside of Rome, said she would do the same for others, including four American trans women, in September of this year. He helped organize our trip.
Other members of my group were British trans man and religious educator George White, transgender parish hermit, Br. Over the years, Christian Matson and electrician and Fortunate Families contributor Scotty Pignatella have shared their stories in conversation with Louisa DeRouen.
On the morning of our audience, we woke up early and joined other pilgrims in a line that circled the block to St. Peter’s Square. Presenting our yellow tickets to avoid the crowds, we took our seats just 50 feet from the Pope and listened to announcements in a variety of languages. This was a beautiful reminder of the diversity and universality of the Church.
After the general audience ended, Francis moved to his wheelchair and began greeting the audience. As he entered our line, Scotty introduced himself, Christian asked for a blessing, and the Pope granted it. George had a copy of the book “Translife and the Catholic Church Today,” which he handed to the Pope, who accepted it and said in English, “Thank you and God bless you.”
When Francisco came to me, I held his hand and said in Spanish, “Soy un hombre transgénero” (“I am a transgender man”), and I, like him, was a Jesuit. He added that he is a friend of Father Francisco. James Martin. Frances smiled broadly.
After years of suppressing my identity, I am now free. I can be free to be the way God created me.
My transition to male identity was a miracle in every sense of the word, an extraordinary spiritual transformation that connected me more deeply to my Catholic faith and brought me closer to God than I had ever felt before.
Growing up in a Catholic home and parish, I often felt suffocated as a young transgender person without the words to express my identity. For years I buried my feelings for the boy at daycare who asked for a blue blanket. While doing so protected me from the judgment, chastisement, and rejection that many LGBTQ people experience when sharing their identity, I ultimately found myself living in a false identity: a God-given identity. I was protecting the mask that hid my true self.
As an adult, when the loneliness and anxiety of keeping my true self buried became unbearable, I chose to transition. For years, much of my time and energy was spent maintaining a false female persona that prevented me from expressing my true self. My transition to male identity was a miracle in every sense of the word, an extraordinary spiritual transformation that connected me more deeply to my Catholic faith and brought me closer to God than I had ever felt before.
This deep journey has led me to discover, along with supportive allies, the rich history and theology of LGBTQ Catholics who have faithfully carried the torch of inclusion and representation for decades. Ta. I am inspired every day by their strength, perseverance, and unwavering faith in the face of amazing challenges.
It was a privilege and a blessing to meet Frances for who she really is, without any masks or false persona. I am proud that I told him in his native language that I am transgender, and I am proud that the Catholic Church has a Pope who has responded so warmly and pastorally to transgender members of the congregation. We are equally proud to have
While in Rome, our group met with Bob Shine of New Ways Ministries and learned how the Pope listened intently and asked questions during a recent 80-minute meeting with people from New Ways Ministries and the LGBTQ community. He told me what he was doing. This gave us hope. Because not only will Francis benefit from learning more about LGBTQ Catholics, but the entire Church will benefit from the welcoming and listening attitude he shows.
My encounter with the Pope was a full-circle moment for me, an invitation to reflect on God’s hand in my long and winding journey toward identity. I felt the Holy Spirit moving in Rome, not only in my handshake with Francis, but also in the hopeful smiles of the pilgrims and my transgender companions who filled the square.
It was as if the Spirit was saying, “You’re welcome.” And the boy who begged for a blue blanket in nursery school will be proud.
