/ˈgōst-ˈlī-tiŋ/
This is creepy, but not in the way you’re thinking. Ghostwriting is a slang combination of ghosting and gaslighting, combining the worst parts of each behavior. “It’s a manipulative tactic where one person suddenly disappears and cuts off communication with the other person,” explains Lee Phillips, a certified therapist who has worked with couples for more than a decade. This is the ghost part that many people who want to date have experienced.
Ghostwriting goes a step further by raising questions about ghosting in the first place. If the ghostwriter comes back to haunt you again, sliding into your DMs or posting at your local coffee shop, they may act as if they never ghosted you Does “I’m very busy right now” ring any bells?). This is not to confuse ghostwriting with caspering. Casparing is a “friendlier” style of ghosting because it happens slowly, with delayed reactions and firm replies, hence its name. Dating life (minus the gaslighting part) with the “I was recently reminded of this and I thought of you…” text.
Yes, these moves are manipulative from beginning to end. But on the other hand, ghostwriting can stem from anxiety. “Some people may use this tactic because they don’t know what they want in a relationship,” Phillips says. “When faced with a problem, they freeze with anxiety and shame and make excuses because they were too busy.” Anyway, if you’re being illuminated by a ghost light, it’s time to exorcise that demon and move on. is the best.
Kathy Hurwitz (she/her) is an associate editor at Oprah Daily, where she covers everything from culture to entertainment to lifestyle. She usually appears in the middle of multiple books and TV shows at the same time. Previously, Cassie worked on Parents, Rachael Ray In Season, and Reveal. Her love language is pizza (New York slice, Chicago deep dish, etc.).
